Self esteem….
Research has shown that girls’ self-esteem peaks when they are just nine years old. NINE. It then decreases substantially into their teenage years where it drops almost twice as much for girls as it does for boys. It’s a pretty scary thought, that young girls are living a substantial portion of their lives thinking so little of themselves, especially when we consider that self-esteem influences how happy we feel, the opportunities that we pursue and the choices that we make. We know how valuable our girls are, but if we want them to recognise it too it’s important that we better understand self-esteem and how we can support them.
So, what is self-esteem and why is it so important?
When talking about self-esteem we are referring to how we think about ourselves and our value as a person. Put simply self-esteem can be described as how much we like ourselves. When someone has low self-esteem, they are overly critical of themselves and unable to recognise their positive qualities, even when someone else points them out. They will attribute good things that happen to them as ‘just lucky’, whilst blaming themselves for the bad. In teens it can also look like laziness when they fail to take positive action towards their negative thinking. There are many problems that low self-esteem can create, because when you’re thinking and feeling negatively about yourself, feelings of sadness, anxiety and depression can arise.
On the opposite end of the spectrum is healthy self-esteem, which has a host of benefits for teens like giving them the confidence to try new things and engage in problem solving. Also linked to self-esteem is good emotion regulation, which is an area that research shows boys outperform girls. This is because when you have healthy levels of self-esteem you don’t rely on others for approval, so your opinion of yourself doesn’t fluctuate with how people decide to treat you that day. Also, people with healthy self-esteem don’t engage in self-sabotaging behaviours, they know that they are worthy of good things and opportunities and accept them when they come their way.
Why do teens have low self-esteem?
Girls go through some pretty significant changes both biologically and socially when they enter their teen years, which is likely why they start to worry about how they measure up. Body image, or the way they think and feel about their physical appearance, definitely plays a role in self-esteem and there is much greater cultural pressure on girls to meet impossible beauty standards. The problem is that whilst puberty for boys brings about characteristics admired by society (height, strength etc.), for girls it often brings about gains in body weight, which is a potential reason why over 80% of girls report a desire to change their body size. Girls are also more likely to negatively compare themselves to others, with research demonstrating that girls aged 11-16 who viewed magazine images of models saw decreases in their own body satisfaction and self-esteem.
Gender roles also play a part in the formation of self-esteem as self-confidence is a trait typically associated with males. Researchers have found that those with more masculine traits like decisiveness, competitiveness and independence tend to have higher self-esteem, yet these are typically not traits that we encourage our girls to have. Girls are taught to be caring and warm, however this can teach them that others’ needs, thoughts and feelings are more important than their own, which can lead to ‘people pleasing’ behaviours that leave them looking to others to gauge their own value.
What can we do to help?
Support a positive body image by:
Having open discussions about body image and the media
Encouraging a healthy lifestyle where you teach them healthy eating habits and the importance of physical activity
Being a role model for positive body image! Show them what it looks like to take care of yourself for your health rather than your appearance
Encourage feelings of worth by:
Discussing how they can use more positive self-talk
Teaching assertiveness (very different to aggressiveness) and healthy boundary setting
Taking the time to listen and discuss their thoughts and feelings, this teaches them that what they think and feel matters!
Nothing is more important than how we feel about ourselves, so it is essential that we look for ways to help our girls to recognise their value.
Thinking your daughter could use some self-esteem coaching? Danielle Buckley will be holding a series of wellbeing retreats for girls, seehttps://www.facebook.com/TheCoachingPsychologist/ for more details. Hit ‘like’ to stay updated on future events!