If you are a mother of a young daughter, then please read this.
Recent research on young Australians has shown that when it comes to wellbeing, girls are not doing as well as boys. In particular girls are notably lower in emotional stability, resilience, vitality and self-acceptance. We want our young girls to thrive, so its important that we understand why this is the case and what we can do to support them to be their best selves.
So why are girls not doing so well?
Teen girls are more likely than boys to experience depression, anxiety and self-consciousness and even have a higher vulnerability to stress, but why is this the case? Whilst there is some evidence to suggest the influence of genetics and hormones, there is also a great deal that suggests that the way we raise girls and the expectations of society also play a role.
In terms of emotional stability, research has shown that males and females process emotions differently, with females being better at recognising emotions but also experiencing them more intensely. This is likely why young females report themselves to be higher in empathy than young males but also lower in emotional regulation. Brain imaging research has even suggested that when females recognise suffering the part of their brain that responds leads to a whole-body response, whilst male brains respond in the visual cortex. Whilst this empathy and emotional recognition make females great at caring for others, it may be coming at a high cost to their own wellbeing, as they can become emotionally overwhelmed and burnt out.
Females not only experience emotions more deeply, they also are more likely to ruminate and focus on their emotions rather than using problem solving skills to resolve the issue. This tendency towards helplessness in the face of challenge, may be due to the way we raise girls, with researchers suggesting that young females are raised with the belief that they have less control over their environment and situation (including their emotions) than young males. The unfortunate reality is that young people from their pre-teen to early adult years face many challenges, with relationships, friendships, school performance and choosing a career path being just some of them. If we want our girls to feel equipped to take on the challenges of life, we need to teach them how to effectively problem solve, as well as bounce back when they face stressors in life.
Issues with self-acceptance may also be fuelling girls’ problems with experiencing positive emotions, because our beliefs about our own value are extremely important to how emotionally stable we feel. For example, where we experience low self-esteem we are more likely to believe others who say negative things about us, because we don’t have the certainty that they aren’t true. Although there are likely many contributors to low self-acceptance, the rise of social media and smartphone use mirrors the rise in young female mental illness, suggesting that it may be playing a significant role. Females have a greater tendency to compare themselves to others, so having a smartphone in their hand with access to thousands of comparisons that they can make daily, is likely to be having a negative impact on their feelings of worth. The research backs this up, with social media use in childhood linked to poorer psychological wellbeing in adolescence, an effect which is stronger in females. This makes it more important than ever that we support our girls to have a healthy sense of their own worth and practice kindness towards the things that they do not like about themselves.
What can you do at home to help?
Encourage emotional stability and resilience by:
Teaching the importance of self-care and managing stress
Not avoiding emotional conversations – encourage them to describe how they are feeling and talk about the reasoning why they might be feeling that way
Encouraging problem focussed coping – if a problem arises show your daughter that they are in control of their situation by helping them brainstorm how they might resolve it and making a plan of action
Encourage self-acceptance by:
Praising effort not result – if your daughter has tried their best that is a win regardless of the grade
Teach them to think critically about what they see online – We know that most things on Instagram are staged or heavily filtered and edited but unfortunately many young girls don’t know that so have discussions about this
Give them support and time – Show them that what they feel and think matters
Don’t criticise or place emphasis on their physical appearance
Be a positive role model, show them how to love themselves
For more information on this topic or to participate in a ‘thriving for girls workshop’ please contact Danielle Buckley