Many of us want to be happy, the pursuit of happiness may even be one of our goals, however research tells us that by aiming for it, we are actually preventing ourselves from achieving it.
The psychologist Ken Sheldon who has done extensive research on goals, motivation and wellbeing, describes that the only way to achieve happiness is for happiness to not be the goal. Instead he suggests, we should be pursuing the goal of being our best self. When we are chasing experiences that help us grow as well as doing things that we are passionate about, happiness is achieved as a byproduct.
Sheldon’s research highlights the importance of living our life according to what feels meaningful and encourages our own personal growth. This is a very different concept of happiness than the one we are used to, because it doesn’t prioritise feeling only positive emotions. Happiness should therefore not be the goal, but seen as a sign that we are growing to be our best, most creative and most fulfilled selves.
There is also great news for those of us who aren’t so convinced that we can have any influence on our happiness levels. Research tells us that although genetics determines about 50% of our happiness levels and the circumstances we are in determine about 10%, there is a huge 40% that we are able to influence ourselves when we invest in our growth.
So how can we put this into practice?
Shift the focus of our goals from things that we think will make us happy to things that we think will improve our wellbeing and help us grow. Rather than pursuing happiness we need to try and do more enjoyable, meaningful, interesting things!
To do this we need to work out the ‘what’ and the ‘why’ of the goal. Only when we are doing good things and for good reasons will we experience true happiness.
One way to do this is to write down 3 goals that you are currently working towards (are you finishing a degree, trying to progress your career, saving for a house or a trip, trying to exercise more etc.)
Now look at each goal and ask yourself why you are doing it. Is it for external reasons like money, image or pressure from others? Or is it for internal reasons like growth, connection with others or contribution?
The goals that will increase happiness the most are those that are internally motivated
On this note, we cannot expect all of our goals to be purely internally motivated and growth related, however if you notice the majority of your goals fall into the external category it might be time to set some extra goals related to your wellbeing!